Living a life of "Yes"

I have to confess. I have greatly struggled with finding the words for this blog post. And most of you know me well enough by now to know that being at a loss for words is not something that I am accustomed to. But time after time as I sat down to pen my thoughts, the words just wouldn’t come. To be honest, the Lord has been moving within my heart in so many ways over the last few weeks and months that most of the time it feels like a jumbled mess inside my head. And yet at the same time, I feel like I am seeing things more clearly than I ever have before.

It actually started a couple of summers ago when a few moms and I decided to do a summer book study by the pool. So we grabbed our books, our sunscreen and our kiddos and met to discuss it. While the kids splashed in the water, we were challenged and convicted about what it truly looked like to be a disciple of Jesus and to follow him in “Radical” abandonment. That summer something began to stir inside my heart and has been churning ever since. I have been constantly wrestling with the thought that there just seems to be more to following Jesus than what is proclaimed in America today. More than what my life looks like on a regular basis.

I live in a pretty “Bubble-wrapped” world. I homeschool my kids. My husband works in ministry.  Our friends are primarily other church-going, home-schooling families with similar ideals, values and standards. My parents, siblings and the majority of my family members are Christians. I don’t watch a lot of TV (except for Fox News, of course!) and have very little interaction with my neighbors. To be honest, I don’t have much meaningful contact with people that aren’t a whole lot like me. I find it very simple to surround myself with people and influences that line up with what I believe. It’s safe. It’s easy. It’s comfortable.

I go to church. I sing on the praise team. I help lead a small group of teenage girls weekly. I attend Bible study and co-teach the teen group. I go on mission trips and youth retreats. I read my Bible regularly and know it well. By most peoples’ standards, it would appear that I have this following Jesus thing down pat. And yet, I have to ask myself…is this really what Jesus meant when He said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me”? Is this really what it looks like to live out the Gospel as a disciple of Christ? Don’t get me wrong…all of these things are good things, and even important things. And yet, I feel like Jesus has been whispering in my heart…there is more.

A couple of Fridays ago the Lord showed me a glimpse of what this looks like. That Friday morning I stood with a few friends on the sidewalk in front of one of Charlotte’s three abortion clinics. For two and half hours, we watched women, hurt, broken and lost women, walk in through a set of double doors to murder their babies. We pleaded with them to reconsider, to just come and talk with us. We offered them resources, support and kindness…and yet, one by one, they all walked through those doors. I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to tangibly feel evil and darkness like I did on that Friday standing on that sidewalk. It invaded my heart and my “bubble-wrapped” world.  It hung heavy in the air over a place where darkness reigns and Satan claims victory as he blinds eyes to see and deafens ears to hear the truth. But what I came away wondering is if his greatest victory isn’t in the death of those babies, or even in the destruction of their mothers, but perhaps it is in his ability to blind the church to their peril. I am often too busy doing “church” to actually be the church to a lost and dying world.

I think when Jesus said “Follow me” He meant for us to do more than sit in comfort and security. He meant to go into the world and enter into the suffering and brokenness around us. To do life with them. To love them in spite of the fact that they may seem unlovable. To step out of our comfort zones and into the reality that there are so, so many out there who truly have no hope. And yes, it’s messy and dirty and inconvenient. And yes, it is costly. It may cost me my time, my resources, and my security. And, yes, it may even shatter my “bubble-wrapped”, comfortable life. It certainly cost Hudson Taylor, who in his desire to see the unreached people in China come to hear the good news of the Gospel lost a wife and multiple children. Or what about Katie Davis, who at 19 gave up college, skinny jeans and lattes, and the basic American dream to move to Uganda to share the Gospel and raise 13 orphan girls. Or how about Jim Elliott, who gave his life in the Ecuadorian jungle so that the Auca people might know the name of Jesus.

I can’t help but think that these people got it. Jim Elliott famously said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose”. He knew that the cost of following Jesus, whatever the cost, was indeed worth it. In Matthew Chapter 13, verse 44 Jesus tells us that “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”

Did you catch that? In his joy he sells all. ALL. Not some, not half, not most of, not everything except this one thing…ALL. The question I have been asking myself is, do I truly believe that He is worth it all? Is Jesus really enough for me? I can say that He is, but so often the way I live my life says otherwise. Because if He truly is enough, then I will joyfully give all that I have and all that I am to the task of proclaiming the Gospel in this world, however dirty, however messy, however costly.

At a conference I attended a few weeks ago, I heard a phrase that has been ringing in my head and heart ever since. Jesus just wants you to put your “yes” on the table. You don’t have to know all the details. You don’t have to know all the answers. You just have to be willing to say, “yes” to Jesus. Yes, I will follow you-wherever you lead me, I am willing to go.  And it may not look like Africa or a sidewalk in front of an abortion clinic. It will look different for us all. He just wants us to say, “Yes, Jesus, you are worth it”.

And so that’s where I find myself today, standing at the edge of a precipice, looking out into the vast unknown before me. And I have to admit that I am afraid. I like my bubble-wrapped world and the safety and security that it offers. But I find that more and more I am becoming more afraid of not leaping- of not putting my yes on the table. David Platt said it this way, “My biggest fear, even now, is that I will hear Jesus’ words and walk away…content to settle for less than radical obedience to Him.” And I don’t want to settle…I don’t want to miss all that the Lord can and will do with my simple “yes”.  And in my flesh I know that this won’t be a one-time thing. I may have to say it over and over again, every day, every hour, every moment. But more than anything I want to know that when I come to the end of my life and look back that I will see a life characterized by saying “yes” to Jesus and believing that He indeed is worth it, whatever the cost.

Don't miss it!

So often I miss it. I get too tied up in the day to day “to dos” to see it right in front of me. I rush around, hurrying from one activity to the next, completely oblivious to it. In fact, most of the time I get caught up in complaining about little things or distracted by minor inconveniences that I have the audacity to label as “problems”.  And there it is; right in front of me, all around me, God’s grace.

Grace. An undeserved gift. Oh, how my life has been characterized by this blessing! It’s there first thing in the morning when I open my eyes to the sound of children laughing and playing across the hallway. Or right beside me in a husband who knows me fully, flaws and all, and loves me unconditionally. It’s all around me in a home that provides shelter and food to fill our bellies. It’s in the squeals of children enjoying the beautiful spring weather at the park and the companionship of girlfriends to do life with. It’s in the sound of my feet hitting the pavement and the quickness of my breath in a body that is healthy and strong. It’s in the freedom to homeschool my kids and teach them about Jesus, openly and without fear. And I could go on, and on, and on.

And yet, how often I miss it. Satan is the master of distraction, of causing us to look around at the brokenness and chaos of the world rather than looking up at the One who with a whisper stills the winds and waves. And when I take the time, I realize that His grace is also in the midst of the storms. How often He has used them to shape and mold me, to make me more like Jesus. Oh, that He loves us too much to let us persist in our wandering! That He will send the trials to turn our eyes from worthless things and back to Him.

 I am so thankful that this morning as I sat quietly in my bed with the Word, He showed me a clear picture. One not crowded with lists and schedules or silly trifles that claim my focus. But One of His making. As I began to praise Him for who He is and what He has done, I was overcome with gratitude.

Perhaps the undeserved gift that I miss most often is the greatest one of all. The gift of my salvation! “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!”  1 Peter 2: 9 says “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light.” Oh, how sweet the sound of grace to a sinner like me.  To know that no matter how great the joy here on earth-the smiles, the laughter, the shelter, the love- it is a mere shadow of the joy to come for the believer!

I know the storms will come. I know the trials are waiting. But today I am thankful for a season of “happy”.  And I am thankful that though there will be valleys that we must walk through, His grace is just as sufficient in those times and joy is possible always in Christ. And the seasons of “happy” are just grace upon grace and mercy upon mercy. How loving and faithful our good God is.

This is It!

I've been thinking a lot this week about the true meaning of Easter. Even as Christians I'm afraid that the glorious resurrection story often gets overshadowed by bunnies, spring breaks and family gatherings. Church on Easter can become just another thing to check off the Easter "to do" list. And let's be honest for just a minute here. Those of us that have grown up in church have heard this story just about a million times. And whether we want to admit it or not, during the hectic pace of the Easter holiday, we can lose sight of what truly matters.

I don't want the Gospel story to be just another story I know or Easter to be just another holiday we celebrate. To borrow the phrase being used by our church for this Easter weekend- This is It. If we miss this, we miss everything. This is it. Not just the point of this weekend or this holiday, but the very point of our lives. Without the cross, without the empty tomb, there is no point.

As Christians our lives should revolve around this one moment in history. If we really understand the Easter story, then our lives should be radically different. Since the moment Adam and Eve fell into temptation and disobeyed God, their gracious Creator, sin has reigned on this Earth, and all men since have been separated from God, deserving death as their punishment. ("For the wages of sin is death" Rom 6:23) But God, being gracious toward us, sent His Son to come and live a perfect, sinless life and to bear the weight of our sins. He took the punishment we deserve upon himself on the cross. God-in the flesh bore the weigh of wrath that we deserved. ("But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5) But the best part is what happened next. Because Christ was sinless, the perfect, spotless atonement for our sins, death could not hold him! ("God raised him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it" Acts 2:24) And now through his resurrection, those who turn from their sin and themselves and trust in him will NOT suffer the punishment of death as we deserve. No, we now have life! ("But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved." Eph 2:4-5)

I don't know about you, but this makes me want to jump out of my seat! Even as I read this I am overwhelmed by the goodness and mercy of a God that could love us so much! And truly for the believer the best is even still yet to come one day when our Savior returns! So, I don't want Easter to be just another story...truly, how could it be??? It is THE story. The greatest story ever told. So I want to share it. I want to live it. And I want my children to know it.

So as I pondered how to show them the greatness of this story, I found an idea on Pinterest (of course!) that I thought would be a great way to emphasize this to them. Last year we made resurrection cookies and I thought that they were a wonderful reminder of the beauty of the Gospel. This year I wanted us to  share the Gospel with others. I mean, if we truly believe this good news, how can we keep it to ourselves? So thanks to Pinterest, here's what we did.

  We filled our eggs, making sure to leave 1 empty!

Then, armed and ready, we headed out to the neighbors!

This is what they will find when they get home today!

What a simple and fun way to share the Good News...That He is Risen Indeed!

"But the angel said to the women, ' Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.'" Matthew 28:5-6

Empty Hands

This past weekend I attended a conference given by one of my very favorite mentor moms, Sally Clarkson. I was "introduced" to Sally the summer before I began homeschooling. I read her book "Seasons of a Mother's Heart" and it profoundly impacted me as a mother for many different reasons. So when I had the opportunity to hear her speak, I knew I had to be there.

There were so many wonderful things spoken at this conference. The wisdom, the beauty, the truth and love poured out by Sally and the other speakers was truly life-giving to my soul. I wish that I could share all of it here. I could list the things that I found most memorable or tell you the LONG list of things I feel like I need to do or not do now as a result of this conference. But as I have been processing this weekend, I have realized that would be the most dangerous thing for me to do. You see, I am very pragmatic. I love systems, lists, schedules, goals, and practical applications. I am always coming up with a new system for how to discipline, to keep my house clean, to plan meals, to organize my closet, my home or my life! There is a great temptation within me to come away from a conference like this and set out a plan of action...a way to implement all the changes I want to see in my parenting and in my children. But there is a huge problem with this. A pragmatic approach to my motherhood ignores the truth at the core of it all. I can't accomplish what I truly want to see in the lives of my children.

When I look at my children, I have to confess that I have no idea how to be the type of parent that I believe God wants me to be. I know the type of Biblical mother that I long to be, but I feel completely incompetent and unqualified for the task. I feel formless, void and empty. I don't have a reference for what that looks like or a model to look to as a guide. And the enemy knows it. He whispers to me that I am not qualified, after all, I have made so many mistakes. He tells me that its too late, that my children are too old.  He reminds me of my many fears, flaws and failures. He points out that I have very little to offer that would benefit my children. And the truth is, he's right. But there was one moment at the conference this weekend  where Sally referenced that story of the little boy who brought his 2 fish and 5 loaves to Jesus. You all know the rest of the story. Jesus took his meager offering and miraculously used it to feed over 5000 people. I think that's how it is with us. We may be unqualified. We may not have the background, resources or ability. We may be scarred, wounded and broken. But He is able. When we bring our shortcomings, our failures, our insecurities, and our brokenness to Jesus, He is able to take them and make them into something worthwhile. I may not have much to offer, but when I place all that I have and all that I am in the hands of Jesus, He multiplies it and it becomes more than enough.

The truth is the more that I think about it, I have nothing at all to give Him....just empty hands. But when I come to the end of me, that's when He is able to step in and do something miraculous. After all, He is a God that specializes in making something out of nothing and making beauty out of dust. So, I won't make lists. I won't come up with a plan. I will just press into Jesus. I will abide in Him. I will offer up my empty hands and trust that He will fill them. I will place my children into the capable hands of Jesus because He indeed is able.